My mum, dad and sister are all on holiday when i graduate. No one is going to see me graduate and this makes me sad. Im fucking heart broken.

I just want to make someone’s life better because I’m in it. Thats all I really want…

Its come to my realisation that i graduate uni in like 3/4 months and i cant picture life without this life. I love it so much, i just dont want it to end. I dont want to be an unemployed loser with no social or love life for the rest of time. I just dont see a life beyond this. Sounds sad, but whatever.

I took on a date last year for valentines day to the aquarium that all of a sudden stopped talking to me a couple of days after, just added me on Facebook and sent me a text. Not sure what to make of that…

How come all these hideous people on Jeremy Kyle get to have sex all the time and have no jobs, yet Im sat here celibate for months on end and petrified about being unemployed when i leave uni. Maybe i should knock a few teeth out and buy a tracksuit. Maybe i’ll get somewhere then.

well, I got nothing but rejected when growing up and when everyone else ha girlfriends and was kissing girls, having sex and that, no one would touch me. I just seemed to have this barrier around me that no one was able to go through. It’s no different now, just constantly turned down and never does anyone want to be with me or shows any interest in me what so ever. Now I just don’t get close to anyone, I just reject them before they have time to do it to me, I feel if I’m not acting like a dick and showing off then people will see me for the real insecure pathetic person I am. And that scares me, so I just can’t get close to anyone, and no one ever wants to be with me. Everyone else seems to be able to do it, but I can’t. Just a lonely person who has no one.

didn’t your mum and dad teach you to not judge a book by its cover? Yes i like skinny girls, yes i like girls with good tattoos. But that isn’t just what i go for. I’d like to clear this up a little as i always get “you just go for skinny girls with tattoos”. They are a bonus, i like plain normal girls just as much as girls with nice tattoos.

Take El Wood for example. Strikingly beautiful woman, and she has beautiful tattoos as well. She is amazing. Take the tattoos away, i’d still give my left arm, nut and leg to jump on that. The tattoos are just a nice added bonus. Just because i like that, doesn’t mean its all i go for. If you think you’re made for me, let me be the judge of that, don’t go off my fantasies and love for beautiful tattooed goddess’. I like a plain, normal, down to earth girl as much as anyone does.

right, the next series of paintings i’ll be doing which will most likely be the ones Im using for my final degree show come May/June next year are loosely based around human form, trying to evoke subconscious reactions to my work using/creating space in my work, using colours we are used to seeing and verticality mimicking how we stand looking at the work. 

what i would like from all you lovely people is if you have any, are picture of cuts, bruises bangs that you have or have had to use as colour matches for the paintings Im doing. The work will consist of 3, 6 foot by 4 foot canvases to form a triptych. If i use your image for colour reference and for the paintings i’ll mention you in my portfolio, degree show catalogue work etc, maybe name one of the works after you or url or something. Not sure yet. Either way if you could help that would be great.

please please pllllllllllease reblog and spread this round. Any help would be magic.

THANKS.

You shouldn’t feel immature and stupid at all mate, i was 18 going on 19 before i lost my virginity and i was 17 when i had my first proper kiss. I know exactly how you feel though, all my friends had girlfriends, they were having sex, kissing girls and all that and i was always the odd one out. It made me feel pathetic, ugly, awkward, made me feel like no one wanted me and why ever would anyone want me. And i still feel like that 5 or 6 years later at 21, its where my crippling anxieties and insecurities come from, i hate the way i look, the way i sound, everything. I really don’t like myself. I was turned down by so many girls i just didn’t feel like a man, no one wanted me and didn’t pay any attention to me. Thats why i got so into fashion and dressing well. I started dressing well and dressing differently to anyone else. Yeah i got taunted a little and this and that, but it got me that attention that i wanted so badly. Girls like a guy who dresses well, its no lie. Get a good watch and some nice shoes and you’ll go far. As for losing your virginity in a rush…i dunno man, i don’t think its really going to make you feel any better. I rushed my first time and it was shit just like everyone else’s . But i don’t think it really made me any more mature or feel less like shit about myself, and i don’t think it will help you either tbh. After that up until now i’ve just been going from girl to girl to girl, having sex and not getting attached for a fear of that rejection i had when i was younger. And its the wrong thing to do, but i cant really get away from that. Don’t listen to other people, they’re always going to make you feel like shit about stuff like that. Just do stuff in your own way and fuck everyone else man. You shouldn’t have any shame in being a virgin at 15, geez haha if anything its better than the 12, 13 year olds out there losing there. Thats just disgusting. 

Keep it real, buy a nice watch and just take it easy player. It will all come around sooner or later.